When Insecurities Overwhelm us

I wrote the following post months ago and never published it, clearly I was so insecure, at the time, that I lacked the courage to share my thoughts. I must now be growing a little in confidence as I see this post may be of use to others out there who feel they lack the self confidence to step out of their comfort zone.

I miss writing so much, I find myself writing posts in my head when I wake in the middle of the night. It’s not just lack of time that has kept me from writing, but insecurity. When I first started the blog I had a confidence that came with the rush of support following our TV programme, it was that which kept me going, until about a year ago. As we’ve settled into our life in the country I’ve found myself reading other blogs and accepting that it’s all been said before and by people who know far more than me.

Perhaps that’s what I need to share, that even people with no experience and massive insecurities can leap out in faith and achieve great things with God’s help. That’s certainly been our experience. Both Phil and I often struggle to get our heads around how this life we live really happened.

Twenty-two years ago we were pregnant with our first child, living in a terraced house in suburbia. Phil was commuting daily to London and we assumed the trajectory of our life would be one of suburban conventionality. Never in a million years did we think we’d one day have ten children and own a small holding. It overwhelms us daily but it also delights us as we see the extravagance of God blessing us beyond our understanding. We don’t deserve all we have but we endeavour to give it all back to Him, for Him to use as He sees fit. Before we moved to the country I felt a strong pull towards a Bible verse and I memorised it because it seemed to stand out to me. It was from Malachi 3:10, it said, ‘Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.’ So that’s what we’ve done, we’ve committed everything we have to God and we are partaking in the plans He has for our family. ‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11.

I don’t really see this house as my home, as others might, but rather Heaven is my home and this is the house God has called us to steward until He returns or takes us home. My job is to love and care for my husband, children, our house and anyone God puts in our path, until he tells us otherwise. I find this helps me to hold lightly to everything and to trust God in all the challenges.

I can’t really tell anyone how to raise children, grow veg, raise animals or keep a home, but I can share about the God who helps us in our weaknesses. ‘For when I am weak, then I am strong’. 2 Corinthians 12:10.

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